THE PINNACLE OF FASHION: CAMO

Last night as I sat around the airport for 6 hours waiting for another delayed flight (I can't recall the last time I flew on a flight that was on time), there was a kid sitting across from me and another kid sitting next to me; both were dressed head-to-toe in green camouflage outfits. My first thought was, "right on!" I myself was wearing a more subtle, "mossy oak desert sagebrush" camo shirt in tan, black, and hints of sage green. As I sat around the airport, pretending to read and making mental notes of passengers' poor fashion choices, I counted at least half a dozen people with camouflage clothing. None of them were soldiers, and none of them appeared to be going hunting.

If you haven't purchased camo clothing lately, you should know that the world of camouflage has exploded, much like the world of portable electronics. There are literally hundreds of camo patterns for various uses, and almost all stores, from high-fashion to variety to Army surplus, carry some camo items. You can buy camo sunglasses, watchbands, hats, towels, coolers, dinnerware, tents, shoes, socks, and infant pajamas- and that's just at the Super Target in north Denver. I personally think this is a wonderful thing. Camo, like many great things, was invented for military use (as was the Internet), and I think it's a triumph of civilization when a military invention becomes "demilitarized," and co-opted into peaceful civilian uses.

WHY YOU SHOULD WEAR CAMOUFLAGE CLOTHING

1. If you get a food or wine stain on camo clothing, no one will notice-not even you.

2. If you're into "supporting the troops," you can show your solidarity without all that "sacrificing your life for your country" business.

3. If you're opposed to the military, you can rebel by wearing camo at a peace rally or knitting circle.

4. If you like bird-watching, hunting, or fishing, camo potentially allows you to get closer to wildlife (hint: neon orange is not the best pattern for this use)

5. With all those earth-tones blended together, camo matches almost any other color or fashion accessory.

6. Children everywhere will think you're cool, or at least into dressing like they do.

7. Camo is not "stuck up." It's available everywhere- thus, it's the true "clothing of the people."

8. Camo compels complete strangers to ask you amazingly interesting questions, such as: "bagged any rutting elk on the Western Slope lately?"

9. Matching shoes are readily available. Can you say, "camo Crocs?"

10. Doesn't it sound fun to buy your new fall wardrobe at a store called "Bass Pro Shops?"

IN SUMMARY: Camo has nothing to do with your health. But my friends seem to love it so much when I wear it, that it must just make people happy somehow. Try it: you'll find it strangely compelling.